In a Search for Love

“Kau bila lagi (menikah)?”

This had become THE FAQ, or frequently asked question, being asked to me these days. Not only that I got asked at an engagement or wedding ceremonies but also when meeting up with someone over a meal or a coffee. I even got asked this question after greeting someone whom I just meet at a hallway or the street. I did not know why suddenly everyone was interested in this. Could it be because I was away from Brunei for few years so everyone wanted to know my current status, because they lose track of me? Or could it be that I have reached the age where being engaged or married is expected from you? (But I am only 24!)

Why am I making a BIG fuss of all of these? Well, let me tell you. I did not like the look or response of SOME of the questioners when I told them that I currently have zero potential spouses. Due to this, I, obviously, could not tell them WHEN I am getting married. At times, I would receive some sarcastic comments of ‘being too picky’ or ‘no one is good enough for me’ or that ‘I am putting my career first’.

If they only give me chance to explain myself, I would have told them the truth. Like everyone else, I also wanted to be engaged or get married. When I told them that I have no potential spouses, I really mean it. I never have been approached by a guy asking for my hand in marriage, let alone a guy who sees me as a potential future wife thus wanted to get to know me. (NO such thing as girlfriend/boyfriend relationship in Islam)

I went to a wedding reception last night and I got into an awkward conversation after I got asked the, you-know-what-question. So, when I woke up this morning, I thought to myself that I need to get away from people, especially those whom I know. I drove myself to Tasik Merimbun. This is a place where I am almost sure that I would not bump into someone I know. I also reminded myself that I would not get too friendly if I meet other people there. My main mission would be to come up with ways so that I could find myself a potential spouse. My second mission, which was equally important as the first one, was to think of the perfect answer to ‘The Question’ and also to think of ways to avoid being asked such question. It sounded so simple - hopefully I could come up with some good strategies to tackle the issues.

I reached Tasik Merimbun after 40 minutes on the road. MashaAllah. I was in awe. The place was almost exactly the same as I left it few years ago. It was still serene and beautiful. I parked my car and I walked until I saw a big tree by the lake. I decided to declare it as my spot for the day. I took out a picnic cloth and spread it on the ground next to the tree. I sat down and I decided to enjoy the scenery first before working on my missions. However, after few minutes of taking in the stunning view in front of me, I got distracted by two birds who had been flying here and there. They looked very happy with each other’s company. I sighed. Even birds had a soul mate.

“O My Lord, please forgive me for sounding so impatient. But, I have been bothered by this marriage issues lately. Could You please show me a good way for me to find a good partner? I am well aware that You are the Best Planner and that You know when is the right time for me to get married. However, at this moment, I really wanted to work on finding the man who You have chosen for me.” I prayed silently.

All of the sudden, my khusoo’ in prayer was broken by some noises. The noises were a bit faint at first and then it grew louder. I turned around to look for the source of that noise. Nothing. I could still hear the noises. Now, it sounded like footsteps.

Huh?! Could this be..? Did my prayer just got answered?! I thought to myself. My eyes wondered frantically to spot the owner of those footsteps

And then, our eyes met. He was standing by the lake few meters away. Everything around us went into a halt. He, too, seemed to notice my existence. I could feel like the distance between us was somewhat shortened. He turned his whole body towards me. I could see that his eyes lightened up. MashaAllah. O Allah, this creation of Your’s was gorgeous.

“Amirah, wake up! This is it – now or never.” said a small voice in my head. I stood up and walked towards his direction. I was thrilled and nervous at the same time. I did not think these two emotions could blend quite well. I just hope that my facial expression was not an awkward one. Oh no, he looked a bit stunned. It became more obvious as I approached him. Was it my facial expression or was it because the fact that I was drawing near him? I could only wonder. When I was just few steps away from him, he suddenly HOPPED into the bushes next to where he was standing few seconds ago.

“Oh No! Don’t go lil’ rabbit! I didn’t mean to scare you.” I said aloud. I stand in front of the bushes, determined to ‘hunt down’ the rabbit. I just want to have another look at him. He does not look like the rabbits I have seen before this. I looked for him high and low. While searching for the rabbit, suddenly something hit me. Not literally though - I just come into a realization about something. I stopped what I was doing and I walked few steps back. Now.. I was able to see the ‘whole picture’. A verse popped into my head.

‘Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alteration of night and day, and the ships which sail through the sea with that which of use to mankind, and the water (rain) which Allah sends down from the sky and makes the earth alive therewith after its death, and the moving (living) creatures of all kinds that He has scattered therein, and in the veering of the winds and clouds which are held between the sky and the earth, are indeed Ayat (proofs, evidences, signs) for people of understanding.’ Surah Al Baqarah, Verse 164 [2:164]

O Rabb, I am sorry. I was too engrossed in Your creations. In my quest to seek love from Your creations I have forgotten You - My Creator and The Creator of the heavens and the earth. You are The one who have been showering me with much love and blessings even before I was born. You are the one who has been there for me in times of calamity and ease. It is You who, time and time again, give me hidayah to return back to You despite the numerous sins I have done. It is always You..

“I love you, O Allah..” I could only utter these words. Tears then came running down my cheeks.

Few minutes later…

“Assalamu’alaikum Amirah. What are you up to?” said a voice from behind me. I turned back and I saw my naqibah, or leader, of my Quranic Circle Group.

“Wa’alaikumsalam Akak.. Erm.. I’m here to search for LOVE..” I replied. I wiped the tears on my cheek.

“Really? Sudah jumpa apa yang Amirah cari?” She asked. She looked a bit quzzled.

“Alhamdulillah, akak. I have found HIM, Al Wadood - The One who loves and The One who deserves to be loved. ” I looked at her and I smiled.

Credits to Aie and Wani for proof reading! :)

#inasearchforlove #Allahcintahakiki #marriage #ireadiwriteproject #week1